Less than two weeks ago, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD. I say “finally” because it was a long process that ironically requires the patient to do things they struggle with most – like making phone calls or following up re: waitlist.
The diagnosis itself is not a surprise. After all, the reason I sought an assessment in the first place was because the signs were already there. The surprising part was how deeply my neurodivergence has been affecting me since childhood. The assessment brought up old memories that I suddenly saw in a new light.
In a way, it made me sad for young Cat. I thought everyone’s brain worked the way mine did (even though looking back it is evident I was an outlier), it never occured to me to seek help because I thought this chaos in my mind was normal.
Anyway, I digress. One of my defining characteristics is taking on way too much. New hobbies, new projects at home, new assignments at work. I want to read all the books, see all the shows people talk about, train for an ultramarathon, learn how to play chess, come back to circus training, finally start posting consistently on social media, write something meaningful, grow my vegetables, fill the blank sketchbooks that are covered in a layer of dust by now…
should we limit our pursuits?
Interestingly, I don’t even want to be “good” at the things I attempt. I just want the stimulation, the nice little scratch in my brain that cannot be satisfied by house chores or filing taxes. Do you know what I mean?
I am lucky enough that some of my wants weigh more than others, otherwise I would not be able to prioritise and just sit still, staring into the distance, unable to choose what I should do next.
On the other hand, I do enjoy it. I cannot imagine only pursuing one craft, one type of movement, one topic of conversation. I can only hope that whatever comes next in terms of managing my ADHD doesn’t erase this part of me.